I did something really cool today.  I felt appreciation for being me.  I have to say, I have not ever felt it before like this.  I have said it and I have thought I felt it, but not like this.  It went like this:  I have a bunch of meditations that I do and this one in particular is called a heart link.  It's cool because before I send energy to the situation, person or whatever, I connect to all the Divine awesome beings who have been with me since the beginning.  When I connect I send them gratitude because that is the energy that balances what they send me.  The theory is that they send me love and light that I then send to others ensuring that I am a cup that overflows to share with others.  My gratitude makes it a conversation.  Today, I sent the gratitude to them and really paused and focused on how I am so thankful for the life I have been given.  I focused my heart on as much as I could remember in that moment.  Childhood, school, family, pain, joy, friends, everything.  My heart opened up and all of this beauty was sent to my Divine team.  I myself talk to my Angels (guardian and arch angels (especially Arch Angel Michael- he goes everywhere with me, thankfully)); Ascended masters like Jesus, Mary, Buddha, Mother Theresa, and Merlin; saints like Theresa, Germaine, Patrick, and Francis; Gods and Goddesses like Isis (SO LOVE HER), Osirus, and Brigid; my shamanic guides who offer more earth bound energy and perspective to me; and God (the father that I have imagined since childhood).   For me there is no hierarchy, I call and talk to them depending on what is going on.

While every Day is Mother's Day, I am thankful that I can be honored as a mom on this day!  This is an excerpt from one of my journals:

I have such gratitude for all that I have in life, especially my 3 children.  I have learned so much from them and I am only the person that I am today because of them.

Michael has taught me the strength of my own conviction.  One that comes from within.  Faith in the unknown.  Faith in the people who have surrounded him in his life.  Faith in the path that he chooses.  Faith that his life is wonderful and that perhaps my gift to him continues.  This is my first real experience in long distance love.  Love connects in all ways.  I have experienced this love of a child and love of a God who keeps us together while we are apart.  Love for a mother who is my friend.  Who has loved him in all moments seen while I have loved him in all moments unseen.  Hope that I have been a good mother and that I will grow as a mother.  Hope, Faith and Love, the Greatest Gift being Love.

There was a focus group of seekers.  Each person was to share and discuss their own career experience with the group.  The group was led by a middle aged man.

When a young man in his mid-thirties stood up, he talked about his experience as a teacher.  He recounted his daily exercise of teaching his lessons to students that were not as excited to be there as he was to be their teacher!  He spoke at great length about attention spans, sensitive emotions, misunderstandings, and obstacles that obstructed the student and the ease of learning that the teacher so wanted to provide.  His passion was felt by all others in this group as was his frustration.  The group knew with out a doubt that this man had a love of learning and that he valued each of his students; although they were aware of his overwhelm.

Each day, a shepherd grazed his sheep about the land.  He would gather them by a lake where they all could drink. 

The shepherd looked into the lake each day and saw his reflection.  Comforted, he thought to himself, "I am here". 

Day after day, this shepherd returned to the lake and his image. 

One day, he approached the lake and could not see his self. He only saw drops of rain splashing the surface, dancing and plummeting into the water.  Ripples upon ripples covered the top of the lake.  His face was no where to be seen.  The shepherd worried that he no longer existed, threw himself back upon the ground.

I have an open heart.  It is more open than I can remember as I have lived this life.  I love how it feels when my heart expands with love for myself, for others, the Earth and for God.  When I say to God, "May I serve you and others however I can", I literally feel tingles expand feet beyond my physical body.  When I feel gratitude for others and the things that I have in my life, I feel warmth and strength.  When I feel the love for my three children, I could cry with delight.  When I tell God that I trust that I will be well provided for on this path, I feel excitement and anticipation for the future.  I have finally allowed my heart to speak loudly and I have decided to listen; although, it is still a young relationship.  Being so open, my mind and emotions are working so hard to get my attention... They have an array of spoken doubts, insecurities, and reactions.  For every time I have felt rejection or fear, they remember.  At this time, I feel like I need to listen and assure them that I am safe, strong and resilient.  To ignore them and say "all is fine" will put them in a place of disconnect and future disruption while to spend my every moment of awareness with them will spiral me down into despair and cause me to only search for problems.

College provided me with many valuable experiences and opportunities to bring knowledge into my life.  I went to a Catholic College and part of the curriculum was to take a number of Philosophy and Theology classes.  I spent 4 years exploring what others believed.  Being a member of a structured religion held much beauty: that of community, Tradition, and mystery.  Community being my friends and family (I will fondly never forget hearing the abbey bells ringing while walking alongside my classmates); Tradition being one again of my family culture and all those practices handed down from generations before us; and the mystery which surrounds me and intrigues me always.  The Mystery is found within Structured religions as well as beyond.  For me, the mystery created a pathway OUT of the structure.  It moved things within me that were not aligned with the structure that I had existed in.  I became aligned with a Truth, one found in different places that I looked, but most importantly, I found them inside of me.  Then I began to develop personal relationships with those Divine who had always been there.  Those that perhaps I could not see past the Traditions.

I have been asked why I do not belong to a church.

I see Jesus as one who did not hold to four walls and a foundation, but one who encouraged all who loves him to build their own foundation.  For that reason, do I feel free to minister to people in their homes, outside by the ocean or over tea in a coffee shop.  He spread Love by speaking, smiling, laughing, healing, and understanding.  All that I intend to practice in my own life...  one where my personal and professional moments mirror each other.

This morning, at 12:12 AM, still awake, my lesson about balance continued...  

See, we are supposed to have weaknesses.  By having both personal weaknesses and strengths, we obtain Balance. The trick is to not get lost in either. We tend to ignore, deny or condemn our weaknesses while we may put all of our expectations and esteem into our strengths.  Balance comes from tending both gardens.  By loving compassionately all that you are, you are recognizing that you are human as well as spirit.  Grace allows us to live with both.  

I honestly thought that peace was an absence of strife.  Even with all of the experience and nonviolent peace education that I have received, I continued to live with the personal notion that I needed to be strife free.  Perfect.  When actually, Peace comes from Gracefully loving my weaknesses AND strengths.  Not having misery over what pains me, nor having false expectations of what raises me up.   

Love your weaknesses.  Not so they can absolve themselves into neutrality nor naivety.  So that they can exist without judgment and receive your light and love. This positive attention allows you to keep an eye on them while you gracefully wait for them to transform when they are Ready.  The love and light provides for them a chance to speak clearly towards what you may need.  In time, these weaknesses will be loved enough to join their cousins: Strengths.  Gracefully waiting for other weaknesses to peak out and ask for light.  

It's OK.  When we look closely at our weaknesses, we actually see some of our strengths... and of course, lots of Love.

I feel free to be human and to release expectations of perfection and judgment!

Love & Light to you, 

Well, the next day, what I "got" seemed to get lost under a bunch of stuff.  See, I cannot even remember what the stuff was!  I am glad that I wrote it down and can know in my heart that my heart still seeks to find connections that enlighten and inspire me.  We are all on this Journey together.  I am learning that I HAVE TO find the love in everything.  Even when the stuff is heavy or indistinguishable.  See, I always try to figure things out.  When I just have to figure out where the Love is in the situation.  In August, I channeled this message: "balance happens when we least expect it.  In seeking balance, we do not always obtain it.  Much like trying to capture a butterfly - once in possession of it, it's freedom means nothing.  Balance is or it isn't.  Know yourself as You and as a consequence of that knowing do you find balance.  You always remain, know You."

I work to find the Love in everything and have faith and hope that I will obtain peace and balance and in that way can better serve myself, my family, and the world.

Peace